You should find the suggestions in the preceding chapters to be useful in most situations, and most children will change and shape their behavior with gentle persuasion and simple behavior modification techniques.  There are times, however, when more intense methods are needed.  Positive behavior shaping methods are usually the best, however there are times when privileges need to be curtailed and punishments or negative reinforcement needs to be instituted.  Children go through difficult phases, have difficulties in their lives that shape their behavior or just have difficult personalities.  The strategies and suggestions in this chapter are for those difficult situations.  The most important thing to remember (if punishment or negative reinforcement is needed) is that the goal is to teach your child, not be punitive.  Punishments or withdrawal of privileges should be instituted just long enough for the child to learn from his mistakes and shape his behavior.  It should not be designed to exact revenge or seek justice.

Strike Chart- shaping everyday, annoying behaviors and small rule infractions

            One of the things I find to be the most irritating as a parent are the endless small infractions that my children seem to commit.  Name calling, sibling squabbles, breaking small rules and talking back to parents are all incidents that drive me crazy, and that I didn’t always know how to deal with.  Of course I took the time to teach my children that these things were not okay and to remind them to obey the rule, but what should I do if the behavior continued?  I didn’t always have the time or opportunity to provide a time out, I didn’t want to turn my reward systems into punishment systems by taking away tokens and often the children’s actions were just too minute to take away an entire privilege.  These problems inspired me to invent the Strike Chart.

            Before this method is used it helps if the family sits down together and discusses the difference between a right and a privilege.  A list can be made of rights that each child has in the family and also privileges.  It should be explained to the children that they are welcome to use their privileges, with parent permission, when their responsibilities are met.  One responsibility of the family is that each child follows the family rules.  Explain that the Strike Chart will give parents and children an easy way to keep track of who is following the family rules well and who deserves privileges.

The Strike Chart that our family used was printed on a piece of paper and kept on the refrigerator (see Appendix G).  Anytime a child made a small infraction we gave her one strike.  Larger infractions may earn two, three or even five strikes.  Five strikes would cause a privilege to be lost.  Strikes were marked with a pencil on the chart and privileges lost were written below.  The chart can also be laminated or put into a sheet protector and markers used to mark it.  I found that a pencil and eraser was the best marking implement for our family.  The pencil could be erased when strikes were earned back, however they could not be easily or mistakenly erased as a marker could.

One of the things that makes this method of privilege management different than traditional “grounding” is the way privileges are given back.  Most of the time when parents ground their children or take away privileges it is for a specified amount of time.  Passage of time alone does nothing to teach a child anything and does not guarantee that behavior will change.  With the Strike Chart privileges can only be earned back, they would not be freely returned just by the passage of time.  The way the privilege was earned back had much to do with the infraction that earned the strikes and the attitude of the child.  The first requirement to earn a privilege back is that the child must request it.  When my children lose a privilege I tell them to let me know when they are ready to earn it back.  This requires that the child adopt a repentant and docile attitude and is the first step to change.  While the child is working on an attitude shift I work on possible jobs or tasks that can be completed.  I gear the difficulty of the task to the severity of the infraction.  If a privilege was lost for five very small infractions over a long period of time the child may be able to earn the privilege back by doing a small household task and having a discussion with Mom or Dad about the rules.  If the privilege was lost for a larger infraction and the child did not seem to have learned from her mistake the job may be larger and the discussion would be more detailed.  The child may also be required to perform a task to show that she has learned from her mistakes.  Tasks may include writing an essay about the problem and how the problem will be fixed or doing something nice for a sibling that was harmed by inappropriate behavior. 

When the child comes to me ready to earn the privilege back I present the task or tasks to be done and instructions on exactly how it must be done to be acceptable.  For small infractions I may give a choice of a few jobs to complete, but for a large or offensive act I usually only give one choice and there is no discussion on what the task will be.  The child chooses to complete the task or she chooses to continue without the privilege.  In order for this method to work the child must always have the option to continue without the privilege.  You cannot force the child to earn the privilege back.

Personal Strike Chart

            Sometimes a child just does not get the program and needs a little more intense behavior intervention.  For this purpose I developed the Personal Strike Chart (see Appendix I).  This chart lists the child’s jobs and responsibilities as well as a place to record strikes and privileges earned or lost.  This chart is used over a week’s time and lays out exactly what needs to be done and what privileges are available.  It helps the parent assist the child to plan what must be done and exactly how privileges will be earned or could be lost.

Levels System

            The Strike Chart works very well for my family, and most of the time it has been sufficient to help me teach and shape behavior.  There were times, however, that children chose not to ever earn strikes back.  A child may be feeling so defiant or hopeless that he chooses to remain without privileges and continue to misbehave.  It is important for parents to develop a system where it is always possible to lose more privileges or earn them back.  If a child feels that his situation is hopeless and that all privileges have been lost and gaining them back is too difficult there is nothing to stop the child’s behavior from spiraling out of control.

            The Level System was developed for a child who was going through a very difficult time in life and was patterned after similar systems used with children with severe emotional or behavior problems by many schools and hospitals.  The Level System consists of three levels.  Level 3 is the desired level.  Children on this level have all privileges available to them.  Children with 5 or more strikes would be placed on Level 2.  On Level 2 children have 1 or more privileges that are currently unavailable.  The lowest level is Level 1.  A child can attain Level 1 status by continually losing privileges with no attempt to earn them back, by continued defiance or rule breaking or by one particularly grievous act.  On Level 1 a child has no privileges.  She has all rights afforded the family, however all privileges must be earned for each use. 

When a child is on Level 1 she can earn privileges by filling out a Level 1 Points Chart (see Appendix C) and by performing extra tasks.  With a Level 1 Point Chart the day is divided into recording periods and the child is responsible for earning a specified number of points during each recording period.  On our chart the morning (generally before school) was one recording period, each hour during the afternoon was a recording period and the evening was the final recording period.  Each task that my children must normally perform for each time period counted as one point.  Tasks included getting up on time, getting ready for school on time, cleaning bedrooms, completing other jobs and completing homework.  To earn a privilege for a recording period a child was required to earn 5 points, by performing the normal required family responsibilities, and then perform an additional task to earn the privilege.  Some tasks that only needed to be done once a day (for instance, cleaning room) could earn more than one point during a day.  If the child cleaned their room in the morning this would earn the point not only for that recording period, but for each period that day.  That way, children were rewarded for doing some tasks early in the day.  The child was responsible to bring the chart to Mom or Dad to get marked and keep track of it.  If the chart was lost then the points were also lost.

To move from Level 1 to Level 2 a child was required to fill out the chart for 24 hours without falling below 5 points for each recording period.  On Level 2 the child was then required to continue with the chart until all previously lost privileges were earned back.  As long as the child was on Level 2 he had to continue to earn 5 points for each recording period, however an occasional mistake was tolerated.  If a child dropped below 5 points for two recording periods in a row the child immediately returned to Level 1.

Parent Child Contract

            One of the best tools that I have used with my children when they are going through a difficult stage is the Parent Child Contract.  It is very important for parents and children to really understand each other, their needs and their expectations.  Often parents assume that their children know what is expected of them, however the terms are not specifically outlined.  We often tell our children to behave themselves and be good, but what exactly does being good and behaving look like?  We also believe that we know what our children want, but do we really ask them or just assume we know?  The Parent Child Contract opens communication and specifically outlines what is expected.

            We first began the Parent Child Contact with a child who was having difficulty, however we found it was such a good tool that we sat each child down for a personal interview and developed a contract.  The contract is begun by outlining privileges that are available to the child with proper behavior.  We next talked about what the child’s responsibilities were, and the link between privileges and responsibilities was explained.  The child then had an opportunity to tell what he expected from his parents.  Often our children came up with wants or expectations that we were unaware of.  We then shared with the child what steps needed to be taken to realize their expectations, if they were possible to attain.  At the end of the interview each person signed and dated the contract.  The child was given their own copy of the contact, and the parents copy was stored for future reference.  At a later date we could pull out the contract, see if all parties had lived up to their part, and develop a new contract based on new needs and desires.

            It is imperative that families learn to communicate.  In my job as a teacher I find that effective communication is one of the best tools I have to mitigate problems.  Occasionally I find that a student, a parent, another teacher or an administrator is upset about the way I have handled something.  I find that if I am able to speak to the individual and explain my reasoning that problems can be avoided.  We may not always agree, but we can usually come to an understanding.  The ability to effectively communicate is an important skill in all areas of life and in all fields of business.  Your child will learn communication patterns, good and bad, from you.  It therefore behooves parents to learn and practice good communication techniques.

            Communication techniques consist of verbal, non-verbal and written communication.  Many of our communication patterns are learned in our families when we are children, and much of the ways we view and interpret the world hinges on the communication patterns we learned as children.  Take some time to look at your communication patterns.  Listen to what you say, how you say it and what your body language says.  Ask your spouse what hidden messages you may be sending, and work on ways to communicate more clearly. 

Teach your children to communicate with each other.  In my home and my classroom I spend a large amount of time modeling and practicing communication techniques with my children and my students.  If a negative exchanges breaks out between children I stop them, and walk them through good communication techniques.  The main rule is that they must show respect for the other person.  This includes listening when the other person talks, responding to their complaints and changing behavior if necessary. 

It is important that not every family exchange be negative so be sure to build time into your family life for your family to regularly talk about what is going on in members’ lives.  One of the best places to do this is at the family dinner table.  Families should eat a meal together at least several times a week.  This is a place for parents and children alike to talk about their day and share their likes and dislikes and opinions about things.  It is easy for activities to creep in and take over this family time, but it is vitally important to family health and cohesiveness to provide this opportunity for your family.  Also plan a time for regular family councils where the entire family can talk about and share their views on family issues.

As children get older it becomes more and more difficult to plan and protect family time.  When our older children approached the teen years we began holding weekly family calendar meetings.  I developed a weekly calendar with reoccurring events printed on the calendar.  Each family member was assigned a different color of ink, so names did not need to be written, just events and times.  (See Appendix F for an example.)  We slipped the calendar into a sheet protector and used wet-erase markers to write changing events on the plastic.  Each week our family meets together on Sundays to look at our calendar for the following week.  I write events that will affect all or most of the family in black on the calendar, and then each family member tells me activities that they have planned for the week that are not on the recurring list.  I use the colored markers to write each person’s upcoming events in their color of ink.  The following week we erase the ink with a wet paper towel and the next week’s events are recorded.  After all events are recorded we plan what days and times we will have dinner together, who needs rides where and when, what family jobs will need to be done around the house and yard and our next week’s calendar meeting.  The calendar is then posted in our family communication center (see more about this in paragraph below) so that all can refer to it.  All family members are responsible to know the information written on the calendar and are expected to be at scheduled events.  Any new events should be cleared with parents and/or communicated to other family members involved.

One of the keys to good paper and pencil family communication is the communication center.  The communication center can be any location in your home that has a place for paper, pencils and a bulletin board and is near a phone.  You could also place phone books, office supplies and an incoming mail filing station in your communication center.  It is helpful if the message center is near the entrance to the home that the family uses the most.  Use the bulletin board to post your weekly calendar and other important papers that the family needs to have access to.  The paper and pencil should be available (it should never leave the communication center, so tie it down if you must) for the family to take phone messages.  One of the best communication tools that my family used in our communication center was a spiral notebook.  We found that when children took phone messages on little slips of paper they tended to get misplaced.  With a spiral notebook I could open the book and leave it available for all family communications.  On one side of the notebook I could write notes for the kids on schedule changes or chores that they needed to do.  On the other side the kids could leave phone messages.  The pages were dated and used in order so that if information was needed on a phone message from some time in the past we could find and retrieve it.  Everyone in the family was required to read the notebook daily so that we knew that everyone would have pertinent information.

            Some families only give out money to their children as compensation for jobs completed.  Some may call this an allowance, but a true allowance is an allotment of money given out on a regular basis.  When you decide to give your children an allowance you should determine the purpose and make sure your policies governing distribution support your purpose.  In our family the purpose of an allowance was to teach our children to understand and manage money.  Their allowance was not a large amount of money and its distribution was not tied to any jobs or tasks.  Our children were required to pay a contribution to the church (a 10% tithe), however beyond that they could use the money any way they saw fit.  The amount they received was set by their age (they received 25 cents per week for each year of age) and so they were given an automatic raise each year. 

            Sometimes my children had regular jobs that they did each week and were paid for.  These funds were tracked in the same manner as the child’s allowance, however this money could be docked if jobs were not done correctly.  Allowance, on the other hand, was paid out just because the child was a part of the family.  This assured that each child always had a small, steady income.  This way everyone was assured an equal chance to learn about money management, delayed gratification and prioritizing.  This also allowed us an easy way to distribute some of the family resources.  When we took our children to the store and they wanted to purchase an item we would ask them, “Is this something that you want to spend your allowance on?”  This put the burden on the child rather than the parent to determine if an item should be purchased.  If the item was too costly, then the child would need to save their allowance or do extra jobs before it could be purchased. 

Because our family allowance was so small my husband and I always had extra jobs available to earn extra money.  Jobs included work in the yard and house that were not part of the regular chores.  We would usually provide a range of jobs with varying difficulty and monetary rewards available for the child to pick from.  We were very generous with what we paid for extra jobs, and usually paid by the job rather than the hour.  This assured that the job was done adequately rather than time just wasted.  If a job was not done adequately the child could choose between doing a better job or earning a lesser amount of money than originally agreed upon.

Families should designate a day as “pay day” and allowance should be distributed on that day.  Policies should also be developed about taking an “advance” or borrowing money from siblings.  Sometimes this gives a good opportunity to teach about buying on credit, but do make sure to develop policies about how much can be borrowed, for what and for how long.  Allowance distribution and spending can be tracked many different ways.  Probably one of the most effective, yet difficult, ways to manage allowances is to pay out the actual cash to each child each week.  This is very effective method because children have responsibility to keep track of their own money and bring it with them when the family goes on an outing.  They are able to feel and see the actual money.  With this method children also feel the natural consequences of forgetting or losing their money if they cannot make a desired purchase.  This is a very difficult method, however, because it requires that parents have the correct denominations of bills and coins on hand and it is time consuming to dispense cash each week.  This method also requires that each child have a place to safely keep and carry their allowance, which can be very challenging with young children.  One way to make this task easier is to only dispense allowance once a month.  The drawback of this method is that children have less of an opportunity to save for an item and more of an opportunity to lose or misspend their allowance.  Also, a month is a very long time for a young child to wait for another allowance day. 

If you do give out cash for allowance be sure to have some sort of record of when you dispensed it and to whom.  It is easy to give out a few quarters each Friday when your children are small, but as your children grow and life becomes more complex it is easy to forget who was paid when.  And if dispensing of actual cash for allowance is not successful for your family you can always go to a paper and pencil method.  Of course you will always need to give out some cash to your children for spending money so do find a method that works for you to collect and store small denominations of cash.  Some families find it best to go to the bank on a regular basis and withdraw the required cash.  In our family we found it easiest to collect small bills and change from our pockets and wallets each night.  That way we also had some small bills to use for allowance money as well as lunch money or other needed expenses.

There are several methods that can be used to track allowance accumulation and distribution.  I found that my yearly desk calendar was an effective method.  In the back of the calendar there was a section for expenses.  I converted the column names to my children’s initials and kept a record of money available or earned and money spent.  This method worked so well for me that I continued to use it when my kids had more complex expenses in their teen and young adult years.  The drawback to this method was that it was not very portable.  If my calendar was at home I had no way of knowing how much each child had available to use.  If I was organized enough and had time I would often write down available funds for each child before an outing.  I would then write on the receipts who had spent what money so that it could be recorded at home.  Often I would simply slip the receipts into my calendar so that I could record it later. 

Some families have found it useful to use a more portable system to keep track of allowance and other available funds (see more on this in chapter 5 on clothing points, and chart in Appendix A).  With a portable allowance tracking system all of the child’s available funds can be kept in a compact, portable fashion.  It can also be used to write down exactly what is spent by each child so a running total can be kept.  A portable system can also be developed that the child is required to keep.  This can be made from a small pad or notebook and available resources and expenditures can be recorded in the notebook.  This can be made more portable by placing the pad or notebook in a small purse or bag that the child can carry on outings.  The child would be responsible for keeping the recording device and bringing it on outings if she wanted to spend money.  Of course the problem with any portable system is the risk of losing the tracking system.  For our family I found that portable systems were a good tool for short-term use.  However, for the long term my calendar, which never left the house, was the best option.

Beyond allowance, families should develop policies on what items or activities parents will “pay for” and what expenses are the children’s responsibilities.  Of course, ultimately the parents will pay for all of the expenses as young children have no ability to earn money outside of the home.  However, requiring children to “pay for” some of their own expenses helps parents determine the child’s interest in an item or activity and helps parcel out family resources.  As our children grew we realized that there were many activities and items that were beyond the scope of them to pay for with their allowance or small jobs around the house.  We wanted them to contribute in some way to the cost of classes, lessons, team fees, uniforms and costumes, but the fees were beyond their ability to pay.  My husband and I, therefore, came up with a method that allowed our children to prove their interest, and earn participation, in an activity.  We figured out an hourly wage that my husband (the primary wage-earner) earned.  We then translated the fees for teams, lessons or uniforms into an hourly amount based on this wage.  If our children were willing to put in that amount of time around the house or yard we knew that they were really interested in the activity and we were willing to pay the fee.  If they were not interested enough to work, then we knew that this activity was not of importance to our child and we would choose not to invest our money.

Need practical ways to motivate young as well as older children.

Dimick Dollars

            Simple reward systems and token economies work very well for young children, but obviously as children grow and mature more is expected of them more complex systems may be warranted.  One of the most effective and long-lasting token economies that my family used was Dimick Dollars.  Dimick Dollars grew directly out of the ticket system (see explanation of the ticket system in chapter 4).  As the children earned a multitude of tickets and as prizes became more valuable counting tickets became unwieldy.  When my children began to save up hundreds of tickets I decided that I needed bills with various denominations to make things a little simpler for all of us.  With this thought in mind I minted my own “Dimick Dollars.”  My bills looked similar to monopoly money with a different color for each denomination.  When my children were young I put their names on the back of the bills to avoid lost or traded bills, but as they got older I allowed them to buy, sell and trade bills with each other.  This system lasted well into my children’s teen years, however the way it was implemented was not always the same.  As my children’s and our family’s needs changed the system changed.  What follows are idea on how this system can be implemented in a family.  You can reproduce the included Dimick Dollars (see appendix M), or you can customize your own cash!  Some families have produced their own money with such names as Feist Francs, Powell Pesos or Carter Cash.  If you mint your own cash do be sure not to use a copy machine to copy real dollar bills.  The treasury department does not take reproduction of actual dollar bills lightly.

• Dimick Dollar Distribution– Dimick Dollars should be awarded for good behavior and completing chores.  The plan is to make this a reward only system, so I did not generally take Dimick Dollars already earned away.  In our family each child was eligible to earn a certain number of Dimick Dollars each day.  Dimick Dollars could be earned for completing chores (more for more difficult chores, and more for completing chores on time), treating brothers and sisters kindly and obeying parents.  I started out distributing Dimick Dollars daily as I had tickets, but as my children grew I found this to be time consuming.  Now that they were older they could understand the delayed gratification of earning their tokens once a week, but it was necessary to find a way to keep track of Dimick Dollars earned throughout the week.  Sometimes I tried to rely on my memory, but this was never very successful.  More successful methods included keeping a tally sheet (which was very portable), writing notes on a wall or desk calendar or using a chart.  (See chapter 6 for more on charts.)  Make sure you work a time to pass out the Dimick Dollars into your weekly schedule.  For our family we found that Sundays were the best as we were already spending this day as a family.  It is important that you make it real clear to the kids exactly why they are earning their Dimick Dollars.  As you pass out the Dimick Dollars use your tally sheet, calendar or chart to explain how much is earned for each item and why.
• Dimick Dollar Redemption– As children age they need to have rewards that continue to stimulate and interest them.  In the early days of Dimick Dollars rewards were no different than the ticket rewards for our family, but soon the kids became tired of the little carnival toys and small pieces of candy.  When our children started school they would often bring home book order forms from their teachers and want to order books.  We found this to be a great item to spend their Dimick Dollars on and so we came up with a cash value for Dimick Dollars.  Dimick Dollars were originally worth one penny each, and later two pennies each, toward the purchase of books from school orders, book fairs or book stores.  Later I would allow my children to trade in their Dimick Dollars for cash, but only for items that I approved.  They were never allowed to use cash from Dimick Dollars for candy or other edible items, however they could purchase clothing, school supplies, gifts or admission to attractions with their friends.  Other non-tangible items can also be a good incentive such as a night out to dinner, extra time playing a video game or watching TV or a later bedtime on a weekend night.
• Dimick Dollar Storage– I experimented with many different ways for the kids to keep track of their Dimick Dollars.  From the beginning I wanted them to be responsible for their own cash stores.  I felt that this helped them learn to take care of and manage money, as well as count money and make change.  When I would pass out new Dimick Dollars I would ask the kids if anyone wanted to trade small bills in for larger ones.  The younger kids often wanted to hang on to the small bills as it looked like more, but when I ran out of small bills they were forced to trade up or receive no payments.  When the children traded in small bills for larger ones I had them count their own money to help them learn how to count money.  We used a lot of different storage devices; including plastic containers, envelopes, wallets or just letting the kids figure out their own system; but the best method we found to keep Dimick Dollars was with the use of a magnetic clip.  Dimick Dollars were held together with the clip and stuck on the refrigerator.  This kept them in a central location where children could count and keep track of their own, yet Mom would always know where they were.

Our family used Dimick Dollars as a token economy for many years, however we didn’t always use the actual paper money.  Sometimes when we were tired of this system we would switch to a chart version.  Point charts are a very useful and versatile tool that can be used for a variety of purposes.  Children can receive points, or whatever type of token you choose to use, and can use the points as currency or be required to earn a set amount to use for family privileges.  Advantages of a chart system include ease of administration (no paper money or tickets to hand out), organization of children’s daily responsibilities (they must read the chart to see what they need to do) and children take responsibility for their own tasks (they must keep track of what they accomplish and their points, not you).  This method does require that the child is old enough to understand a chart, however reading is not required as a picture chart can be developed. 

A chart can be developed on the computer and printed out daily or weekly.  Charts can also be produced on a laminated poster or on a whiteboard.  A computer version has the advantage of being easily reproduced and edited, however it has the disadvantage of being easily lost.  When I used this method I clipped each child’s chart to a large artist’s clipboard.  This gave us a specific place to keep the chart and made it accessible by all.  A laminated poster can make a good chart if tasks do not change much for your child.  You can draw the chart and tasks on the poster, then laminate it and have the child mark off tasks with a dry erase marker.  You can make a similar chart that is easier to change with a whiteboard.  Use a wet erase marker to draw the chart and write the tasks, then allow your child to mark off what he completes with a dry erase marker.  You can erase your child’s marks with an eraser, but your marks will need to be removed with a wet cloth which makes them more permanent.

Using a chart system does not preclude you from using actual tokens for your token economy, however it does allow you to award tokens or points only on paper if you would like.  If you decide to use a chart system as a token economy you can allow your children to purchase items just as they would with any other token economy, however you mark purchases on the paper and keep a running total on the chart.  Another option with a chart system is to allow children to use family privileges based on points earned.  You can either require that a certain number of points are required to access a privilege (such as you must earn 10 points each day in order to watch TV) or you can allow your children to use the points as needed for privileges (such as ½ hour of TV consumes 2 points).

Clothing Points

            Another token economy that my family used, usually in conjunction with other token economies, was Clothing Points.  This system was developed after I went school shopping with my children for several years in a row and found that some children were perfectly happy with one inexpensive pair of shoes, while another wanted every color of the most popular brand.  Clothing Points were born to help my children learn to use our family resources more wisely, to help me distribute our resources equitably and to gauge what items my children wanted to purchase the most.  If a child had a limited amount to spend on their clothing then they could choose to purchase one pair of designer jeans, or several pair of the store brand.  I also found that my children appreciated and took care of their clothing better as they understood their value.  Below are some of the principles we used to implement this system.

• Before you begin the system you must decide how much clothing points will be worth and the general rules of use.  Our clothing points were worth ten cents each.  Children could buy any clothing article that Mom or Dad approved of with their clothing points, and they did not have to be responsible for sales tax.  That made it much easier for them to estimate how much they could buy.  Children were to buy all necessary parts of their wardrobe, including socks, shoes and underwear with their clothing points.
• Children were usually given a large chunk of clothing points once a year when a large clothing shopping would normally be done for the family (right before school started for the year, for instance).  They would be given clothing points that equaled the amount of money I had budgeted for each child to spend.
• Clothing points were also earned throughout the year by helping with laundry.  Children helped with laundry based on their age and ability and my time constraints.  Laundry duties could include helping to sort, starting loads of wash, changing clothes to the dryer, folding or putting away.  It could also include doing all of their own laundry.  Some of my children learned early on that they could earn a lot more clothing points if did their own laundry and opted to take that responsibility on themselves.
• There were times that I would allow my children to owe me for clothing points.  If new clothing items were necessary, because they had holes in their socks or they had outgrown their clothes in a short period of time, then I would make an exception.  Generally the kids were required to save up for clothes they needed or wanted.

Once guidelines are developed for Clothing Points you will need to decided how to track them, when they will be distributed and how you will keep track of points that are spent.  I used various methods to keep track of clothing points.  The first method I used was a clothing point chart (see sample in Appendix A).  This worked well when I gave out clothing points with other token economies.  Later I found it was successful to keep track of my children’s clothing points in my desk calendar or planner.  I had begun to keep track of allowances here, so it was a logical choice.  This way I could keep track of when I distributed clothing points and figure out allowances at the same time.  I kept track of spent points by keeping my receipts after clothing purchases and writing on them “who” spent “what.”  I could then place the receipts in my calendar and deduct used Clothing Points when I next calculated the points.  The problem with both of these methods was that I did not have quick access to each child’s accumulated points, or allowance available, when I was away from home.  The solution to this is a portable tracking chart (see Appendix K).  This chart can be used for tracking clothing points, or any other type of token economy that your children are allowed to use for purchases outside the home.  With this method you will need to write starting amounts on the chart for each child before you leave home.  However, the chart folds up nicely to fit in your purse or pocket so that purchases can be quickly and easily tracked.  Clothing points were a token system that worked well, was fairly easy to implement and lasted well into my children’s teen years.

Other Token Economies

At times my family found it necessary to implement some type of specialty token economy for special needs, occasions or days.  We tried a very simple token economy to help our children stay in bed at night.  We found it very difficult to implement a positive reward system for young children to stay in bed and go to sleep.  The goal was to get the child to sleep, but once she was asleep we were unable to give an immediate reward.  By the morning, the effect of a quick and immediate reward had worn off.  For this token system we created happy faces from frozen juice cans lids.  Cans with metal lids that are removed with a plastic seal make great tokens for young children as they are smooth and large enough for small hands, do not pose a choking hazard and are free if you normally buy frozen juice.  Many lids are plain silver, so you can decorate them with permanent markers.  If the lid has a logo or design you can decorate your lids with stickers or by gluing a circle of construction paper over the logo.  The construction paper can be protected with a circle of clear contact paper.  We made several happy faces for this bedtime system, and each child was given three before bed.  The children were told that each time they got out of bed they would have to give up one happy face.  In the morning if they had any happy faces left they would get a prize. 

Another system that we developed using juice lids was the peace sign system.  Our family designated Sundays as a family day.  We went to church together, had a big meal together and planned other family activities.  We also limited our use of TV and other media and outside interruptions on that day.  Sundays were generally very nice days and the children often would play with games or toys that they didn’t ordinarily use, but sometimes all of that togetherness brought on fighting and contention.  We decided that since Sunday was a different sort of day, it called for a different sort of reward system.  Since peace was what we desired for the day, we used a peace sign as the token for that day.  Peace signs were made from juice lids and we drew a peace sign symbol on the front of each lid.  Each child began the day with three peace signs, and could earn more or lose the ones they had based on behavior and activities completed.  The peace signs were placed along a shelf in age order of the children so that I could easily add or take away peace signs and the children could easily see their progress.  Juice lids nest together nicely, so it was easy for the children to see their pile grow or shrink.  They received additional peace signs for appropriate behavior at home and at church. They also received them for participating in quiet and desirable activities on that day such are reading, journal writing or for participating in musical activities such as listening to quiet music, playing an instrument or singing songs.  Children lost peace signs for calling names, hurting a sibling or for not following other family rules.  This was one day that we made a special effort to give immediate feedback by giving out or taking away peace signs right after an appropriate or inappropriate action.  When you use this type of a system make it clear that the child’s behavior is the cause of the number of peace signs earned, not your mood or choice.  “You are really helping to make our day peaceful by sharing with your sister, so you earned another peace sign!” you can say as you place a new peace sign in your child’s pile. 

Peace signs could be redeemed for various things at various times (we often let the children trade them in for tokens or points from our daily system or let them “buy” privileges back- see chapter 9 for more on this), but the thing that made this system a little different than the others was that we introduced a bit of competition in this system.  At the end of the day I would choose a peacemaker of the week.  It wasn’t always the child with the most peace signs, but that was considered.  I usually chose the child who had worked especially hard to bring peace to the family, and no one could be the peacemaker of the week two weeks in a row.  The peacemaker of the week was recognized on Monday evening.  I would set a special place at the dinner table for the peacemaker of the week with a pretty placemat, a crystal glass and usually a small gift (such as a new pencil or a bookmark).  The thing that made the peacemaker of the week the most coveted title was the fact that the peacemaker did not have to help with the dishes.  This was a system that worked for many years for our family with only a few changes.  It was probably so long lasting because it was only used one day a week so it kept its novelty.

Another specialty system which we found helpful on family vacations was travel dimes.  This was especially helpful to encourage the children to get along on extended trips.  The way this system worked was that each child began the day with $1.00 in dimes (we didn’t actually use physical dimes, we wrote the accounting on a piece of paper and then awarded the actually cash at the end of the day).  Each time that a child would do something inappropriate for a car trip or bother a sibling she would lose a dime.  I kept track of this in a small notebook while my husband drove.  Dimes could be earned back or added to the $1.00 for improved or especially good behavior.  At the end of the day each child received any cash they still had left, and there was also a bonus available.  Anyone who had not lost any dimes throughout the day could receive a $2.00 bonus!  This gave a really good incentive for perfect behavior.  This system helped the children behave better, and it had the added bonus of giving the kids spending money so they didn’t have to beg for a treat or a souvenir at each stop.  With this system children with money could purchase these items and those without could not.  If you use this system be sure to budget into your trip expenses the maximum each child can earn per day and bring along a stack of one dollar bills and a roll or two of dimes.

Want copies of the forms mentioned or Dimick Dollars you can copy? Click on the forms section on my blog.

 Young children love praise and rewards.  It never ceases to amaze me how easily you can change a young child’s attitude and behavior with sincere praise or a small reward.  It also never ceases to amaze me how many parents forget this simple fact and get into arguments and power struggles with preschool aged children, myself included.  As I raised my children their behavior seemed to go through phases.  When my children were behaving things were great and I just assumed this behavior would continue, even though I often did nothing to help maintain it.  Then one child would go through a difficult phase and start to question and defy my authority.  This was not the usual behavior for this child, so at first I may just ignore the behavior or use a gentle reminder that this behavior was not okay.  But my son or daughter was not just having a momentary lapse in judgment.  My child was going through a normal developmental stage of testing me and/ or trying to separate from me.  I hadn’t realized this yet, so I continued to ask my child for compliance, and as the asking failed to work the requests often turned into begging or threatening.  As the other children in the family saw me lose control of one child they would often “jump on the bandwagon” and begin to misbehave also.  Meanwhile, I had become so used to my children behaving well that I was totally out of the habit of praising my children for good behavior.  At this point I was also out of the habit of implementing any reward system well or at all, so when the kids misbehaved I would forget to get busy and just get mad.  When I realized that something was really wrong and changed my approach, it would take me a lot of time and effort to get everyone back on the right track.  After a period of time things would be running smoothly again, and I would gradually put less and less effort into praising my children’s good behavior and become more lax with my current reward system.  This was usually followed by a period of time of good behavior, but then the cycle would repeat.

There are several things that can be learned from my family’s cycle.  First, try not to get out of the habit of praising your children.  Look for times to catch your child being good, and complement him about it.  We all love complements, and children are no different.  This is especially true for small children.  You can see a very big change in a small amount of time if you start giving your child authentic complements on a target behavior.  Be careful with praise, however.  Remember that praise does need to be authentic.  Children can spot a phony a mile away, and if you start complementing your child for things that are not truly worthwhile or do not deserve praise she will not take your complements seriously.  Praise should not be given so frequently that it becomes common place.  Complements that are given too frequently can be just as bad as no complements at all as they lose their effectiveness.

The next lesson that can be learned from my family’s behavior cycle is to always look for the reason behind a child misbehaving.  All human behavior is motivated by a “want” or a “need”.  A child may misbehave because he wants a toy, something to eat or your attention or he may have an unmet need.  Parents often have a difficult time determining their child’s unmet need as needs change when children grow and develop.  The sooner you meet a child’s unmet need the sooner you will see improved behavior.  The longer it takes to fill a need the more likely it is that your child will develop behavior patterns that will turn into bad habits, so it behooves parents to find and fill children’s needs as soon as possible.  This is something that it took me many years to figure out as often this concept seemed counter-intuitive.  My basic understanding of behavior modification as a young mother caused me to believe that if a child cried for more attention and I provided it, that my response would act as a reward and cause the child to whine more.  My naïve understanding of behavior modification did not take into account the child’s deep need for more attention.  When I did not respond to my child’s need she needed to try more and more sophisticated ways to try and fill that need.  These ways would then turn into problem behaviors that were often difficult to extinguish.

To determine the reason for a child’s problem behavior you need to really get to know your child and then you need to look for the cause of the behavior by trial and error.  Learn to watch your child at an early age for signs and signals of what she needs.  Contrary to popular belief it is very difficult to spoil a baby.  Recent research has shown that children come to this life with much of their personality predetermined.  If you have a child that demands a lot of attention at a young age, that child needs a lot of attention, so provide it.  If you really get to know your child early on you will understand his moods and needs and you will understand right away when things have changed for him and that he is going through a new stage.  This will give you some clues as to what her new need may be.  However, since children are constantly changing you cannot really be sure until you have tested your theory through trial and error.  If your child is crabby, give her more hugs; if she is demanding, give her more control over her life; if she hits other children; give her some alone time; if she does not share, make sure she has a few toys that are hers alone.  If you fulfill your child’s unmet need his behavior will improve.  As behavior improves be sure to give plenty of praise so you can sustain the improved behavior.  If behavior does not improve then you have not found your child’s unmet need, so keep looking.  Children are very complex creatures so it may not be easy to pinpoint their needs.

Praise can be a good motivator for children, however adults and children alike often need something a little more concrete and systematic to shape behavior.  My family’s behavior cycle clearly shows that when simple shaping of behavior and praise are not effective it is time to enlist a stronger motivator.  There are two ways to provide concrete rewards.  One is to simply provide a reward when you see appropriate behavior.  This works well for very young children, however it is not always practical.  With this method rewards need to be very small and something a child can collect, such as a sticker; or consume, such as food or candy.  Young children love to put stickers on their clothes or hands, and they also enjoy putting together sticker books.  There are special books you can buy with slick pages so stickers can be re-stuck, however just a small, inexpensive notebook can also be used to collect stickers.  Food and candy can also be good motivators, however use these as rewards sparing.  Children that are often rewarded with food and candy may learn inappropriate messages about food.

A second way to provide concrete rewards is through a simple token economy.  In a token economy the child is given a small item when he performs a target behavior.  The item, however, is not the reward.  The items are collected to earn a reward.  The items collected can be a sticker or stamp on a chart, small tokens or carnival tickets.  This method has several advantages over the simple reward system.  First, it is a bit more portable.  When a child is working for a large reward it is easier to promise a ticket when you get home than the actual reward itself.  Second, this method requires less actual rewards to be given, and it makes it possible for children to work for larger items.  Of course you will need to come up with the reward, however this method allows you to reward appropriate behavior with non-tangible items such as a night out with Mom or Dad or an extra half-hour of TV viewing.

If you use a token economy make sure your child is old enough to understand how the system works.  Before the age of 3 or 4 many children cannot understand that they will need to wait for a reward, so a direct reward may be preferable for children under 3.  Make sure that the guidelines are clear to both you and your child as to exactly what behaviors will earn a token, who will decide to award the token, when it will be given, what the reward will be and how many tokens are needed for the reward.  Be sure not to make it too difficult or too easy to earn the reward.  If it is too easy you will have to be constantly providing rewards, and if it is too difficult your child may give up before the reward is earned.  Generally it is best to start with a small reward and a small number of tokens needed to earn the reward, say five or ten.  Once the child understand the system you can gradually increase the size of reward and the number of tokens needed to earn a reward.  Remember, change is constant, so don’t be afraid to change your system if what you are doing does not work or loses its effectiveness.

One important consideration with young children and token economies is where the tokens will be kept.  It is a good idea to have a specific place to put the tokens, especially if you have more than one child in the family that is using the system.  This alleviates the problem of children losing their tokens or of the wrong child claiming them.  Much of where to keep your tokens will be determined by what you use for tokens.  Below is a list of ideas of possible containers that you can use to keep your child’s collection along with tokens that can be used.  Children love cute and unique ideas, however remember that the focus should be to improve behavior.  Do not develop a system so elaborate that the child looses focus on what he should be doing.  Also, don’t overextend yourself.  This should simplify your life not make it more difficult.  Make sure the system you use fits your personality and time schedule.

• Charts– This can be as simple as a piece of paper stuck on the refrigerator or as complex as a graph or pocket chart mounted on the wall. Pocket charts can be purchased at teacher supply stores or made by folding and attaching paper or fabric to cardboard.  Poster board with graphs drawn on them can also be purchased or they can be made.  The advantage of a graph is that it makes it easy for children to see how their progress is coming toward their goal.  Tokens for simple charts can include stickers, stamps or a happy face or star just drawn on the paper.  For graphs small stickers or stamps can be purchased specifically to fit on the chart.  If you use a pocket chart you can be a bit more imaginative with your tokens.  You can use pictures cut from magazines or figures cut out of construction paper.  You can also purchase pre-made cut-outs.  Calendar cut-outs are available at teacher supply stores and die-cuts can be made or purchased at stores that carry scrapbook supplies.  It is always a good idea to take steps to preserve any paper tokens that you use.  Lamination is the most durable way to preserve your paper creations, however you can also use clear contact paper affixed to both sides for this purpose.
• Open Containers– An open container, such as a plastic cup or decorated can, can be used to store stick tokens. This type of container can be kept on a counter or table top where the child can easily see and handle their earned tokens.  Young children especially enjoy tokens that they can handle and count over and over.  You can make stick tokens with popsicles sticks, tongue depressors, straws or long strips of construction paper (laminate or cover paper with clear contact paper to prolong life).  You or your child can decorate these tokens with markers or stickers or you can glue cutouts or odds and ends (small stones, pieces of broken jewelry, macaroni, etc.) to the sticks.
• Closed Containers– Closed containers should seal tight and provide plenty of room to collect enough tokens to earn a reward. Empty food containers with tight fitting lids work well for this as do empty baby wipe containers and zipper bags.  If you have multiple children using this token system be sure to clearly label containers with each child’s name.  Tokens that can be used with this container include carnival tickets, plastic counters or small toys or game pieces, juice lids (from frozen juice cans), milk lids (from gallon milk bottles) or pennies.  The advantage of this system is that the container is small and portable, however this also makes it easier for your child to lose.  Be careful with your choice of small tokens if you have children who put things in their mouths.  Pennies and other small tokens can be choking hazards, and should only be used with children over 3 years.

To give you an idea of how a token reward system can work I will share with you one system that worked with my children when they were young using carnival tickets.  I gave each child an empty margarine container with his or her name on it.  My children loved to count and recount their tickets, so I allowed them to keep the containers in their rooms, however I found that this led to some conflicts over tickets.  To alleviate this problem I began writing the first initial of each child’s name on the back of the ticket.  This way the tickets could not be found, traded or taken; they had to be earned.  I found that it worked best for me to only award tickets one time during the day, so each evening I would award tickets.  During the day I would let the children know when and how many tickets they were earning, however they would only receive them just before bed.  This is not the strongest way to reinforce behavior as behavior is best reinforced immediately, however a behavior system is only as strong as your ability to implement it.  In order to be sure that I remembered to give tickets every night I worked it into our bedtime routine.  As I gave out the tickets I would tell each child exactly why he or she had earned each ticket.  If the children believed that I neglected to give an earned ticket I would always listen to their opinion, however I always retained control over ticket disbursement and did not allow negotiations.  About once a week after tickets were distributed I would allow the children to pick prizes, if they had enough tickets.

Needs changed over time so tickets were given for different actions at different times, but actions such as how children treated their siblings, how chores were completed or how well they obeyed parental requests were considered when distributing tickets.  Just as the reason for tickets being awarded changed, rewards to be earned also changed.  When I first used tickets I had a box of small carnival-type prizes that my children could purchase with their tickets.  At first all prizes were the same number of tickets, but eventually some prizes seemed to be more popular so I varied the value of some.  The kids loved to plot and plan which prizes to save tickets for, however after a while I got tired of picking up all the little toys.  Later, I added edible prizes and prizes such as a date night with Mom and Dad or a trip to the ice cream store.  The ticket system was very effective and I was able to use it for some time with my children with just a few variations.  It allowed me to reward a variety of positive behaviors and gear rewards to each child’s interests.  As my children grew they eventually outgrew this system.  As their rewards became more sophisticated and the number of tickets earned grew from the 10’s to the 100’s it became cumbersome and unwieldy to administer.  At that point I moved to more sophisticated and complex token economies that more closely matched my children’s needs.  For more on token economies see chapter five.